Well, friends, milestone achieved. Dropped Oldest off at his dorm room yesterday. And have lived to tell about it today. What a beautiful experience, full of joy, nerves, excitement, anticipation, plucked nerves, huge alligator tears and sweet goodbyes.
The Hub got the car all loaded up. It would appear to any neighbor that the Copelands were going on vacation. Certainly Oldest packed everything he owned. The Hub tried to put one suitcase on the roof, only to break a bungee cord. How is that even possible. With some crafty arranging, we got it all in. All 6 Copelands piled in early Saturday morning and headed out. Not a particularly eventful 3 hour drive to the mountains of West Virginia except to say we had the delight of passing the motorcycle 9/11 memorial ride on the other side of the highway. What a touching thing to see cars stopped on the side of the road, passengers standing and waving at these motorcycle riders and to see the many, many motorcyclists who signed up to be a part of this wonderful event.
The rest of the ride was peaceful and good. The kids, all 4, big and the little ones, excited to get there. A nervous knee rocking back and forth would not be an exaggeration. Once we arrived on campus and the energy and buzz kicked in, our own excitement grew. Students everywhere, blue-shirted Potomac State College clad kids directing people everywhere. Oldest's best friend, somewhere in the mix already. We were delightfully directed to go to the dorm, check in and unload our stuff. Oldest, reluctant, tells me I'm wrong. This is not where we're supposed to be. We're supposed to show up somewhere else. Whatever. He lingered at the car door, thinking I was giving him bad advice, while I was going in. Somebody has gotta take charge, you know? Turns out, I was right. Who would have thunk it?
All 6 Copelands participate in the long haul of stuff up to the 3rd floor of a beautiful building. College students everywhere, lots of excitement, crying mamas and tough-guy daddies. We find his room and enter in. Think hotel room style. You walk in and a double closet is on the right, bathroom shared with two suite-mates on the left. Straight ahead two desks and two beds. Immediately, me in all my room-arranging expertise say "Oh, no. We are moving this bed. Turn it this way and you will have more space." I enlisted The Hub and Oldest to change that bad-boy around. My idea worked and it opened up the space in the room. Besides it put Oldest's desk next to his buddy's desk, which is EXACTLY where he will need to be! It also puts Oldest right beside the window, with no screen, to which we opened and yelled out to his buddy and his arriving family. I sternly warned Oldest, "You CAN fall out of this window. Don't be stupid." Mom-advice. Irreplaceable.
We unpacked a bit, but I will tell you it's a narrow room. Not a lot of space for a lot of folks at once. Good news for the "party in my room" theme being limited to hmmm...not ever. Oldest, with his sweet self, didn't know if he was coming or going. Didn't know whether to unpack, set up his computer, look out the window, search for things in his bag. The settling in of a college student. "Where do I go and what do I do? I have NO idea what I should be doing right now."
Shortly after at least his buddy's mom and I got to set up their beds (friends, you know if we didn't do it those boys would be sleeping on those mattresses with the sheets still in the package), we headed out to the lunch on the Quad. The "Quad"...insider talk. You have to be a Potomac State Catamount to understand. We got to lunch and got served, just in time for those timely Potomac State employees to pack it up. Good thing we got our first serving. There would be no second serving.
After that we visited the bookstore to pick up "our" books, mulled around, with that "what do we do now" thinking cap on, and all pretty much decided it was time to say our goodbyes. We asked if they wanted us to help them unpack their clothes and get their rooms organized. I mean, they are boys, and us moms, are girls, so we are totally thinking not only do we need to do this (because they won't) but we want to do this. The boys weren't buying. They wanted us leave their things as is, and trust that they would unpack and put everything away. The nerve of them. The boys had left us standing outside as they wandered aimlessly back towards their rooms. When we got there we gave our goodbye hugs and kisses. Friends, I did not once all day feel teary-eyed or ready to cry. At some point Oldest asked me how I was holding up and was I about to cry. "Not at all," I told him. "Mostly because you are plucking my nerves." He found that to be quite funny.
But now it was time to go and I was overwhelmed with emotion. When I went in to hug him I literally could not breathe. Nor could I speak. The wave of tears overflowing my eyes and I knew that if I opened my mouth I would be sobbing and the words would not be understood. So I had to settle for my massive tears pouring down my face and holding this boy in a grip lock hug. After a few seconds, he pulled away and I realized he expected me to let him go. I also realized I didn't want to. But, physically and emotionally I had to let him go. So let him go I did and he asked if I was okay. "No. Not okay." I managed to say as I gripped his face in my hands. "I'm going to miss you so much" was all I managed to say as I hugged him tightly again. And then, friends, it was time to let go. So I let him go.
His dad gave him the be good son, you've made it, be strong and behave, talk and a giant bear hug. And then it was time to go. Good thing someone bought him a few boxes of tissues. I ripped the cover off of one of those and tore into them. All around his buddy's family was saying goodbye and somewhere in the mix Oldest's siblings gave some raggedy version of a shoulder dip to be attempted as a claim for a hug. And then it was time to go. Somehow I pulled myself out of that room, the last thing I saw was Oldest kicked back on his bed, ready for whatever comes next. Just enjoying the awe of the moment and the realization that he has arrived.
As we walked down the sidewalk to the car, all the children were watching me, worried I was not okay. I guess the huge tears rolling down my face gave it away. The Hub asked if I was okay, to which I could only shake my head no. No words could be spoken in that moment. That seemed like the longest sidewalk of my life and it seemed that we would never reach the car. Without looking back I got in the car and started the car ride home. I left my baby in his dorm room, the first step of his truly becoming a man. Probably the hardest thing I have done as a parent so far. Letting go of the one you don't want to let go of is a giant task attached to a wealth of faith. Faith to know that he will be okay, faith to know that this is a good thing, and faith to know that it is time.
We Copelands made it home just fine, thankfully with no traffic to hinder our arrival. Shortly after getting home I found Youngest in the bathroom, sitting on the pot, crying and looking sad. "What's wrong," I asked. "I'm sad." he says. "Why?" I ask him. "Because I didn't want Pnut to go. I miss him." We all do buddy, we all do.
At dinnertime the phone rings. Its oldest! What a pleasant surprise, and so wonderful to hear his voice. Everything's unpacked, both boys feeling great. The joy in his voice was warming to our hearts. He sounds great. He'll call me tomorrow. Yeah right.
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